I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
