Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
