The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize