i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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