Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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