Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
