She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
