Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize