The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
