1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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