Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
