His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
