just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize