I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
