moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
