Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
