lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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