pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
