Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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