Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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