tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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