dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
