Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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