New invention idea: vibrating tampons
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
