I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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