i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
