We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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