Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
