Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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