I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
