Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box

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(214): View more from Texas

Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.

(250): View more from British Columbia

Now that's what I call smart money management.

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