he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And then he peed in my hair
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
