I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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