I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
