the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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