I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
