It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
