a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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