Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
