I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
