I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize