i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
