Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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