he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize