I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize