I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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