between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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