I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize