She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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