This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
