I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
