Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
