What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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