it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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