im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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