i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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