Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize