You can't motorboat a personality
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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