dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
