I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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