I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ugly people sure do ruin things
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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