quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
