I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm both gender and math confused
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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