We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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