its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
