That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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