You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
