I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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