what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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