Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize