i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
