New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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