Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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