She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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