just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
