Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
