saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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