u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize