You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
