I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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