I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
