if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
