im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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