I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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