you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
