Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
