i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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