I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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