I wannas sexs uuuuu
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize