i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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