Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
