my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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