i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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