Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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