what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
