My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
