he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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