Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
