My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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