Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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