I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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