the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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